Indie lyrics

Hand-cranked Camera

Verse 1:

Now that you made me your ghost
I’m auditioning to haunt you till you become like me

I was an object, not one of inspiration
You made use of me till my eyes closed forever

I was a performer
First human, then sad and lonely
You were there waiting to see my smile widen

Chorus:

A restless ghost, an endless icon
I am disclosure
A moon looking for sunlight, a revelation

They don’t know who the fuck I am (they have no idea)
I am paralysis, epiphany, unforgettable
And even their biggest nightmare

Verse 2:

They tell my souls I was so tired
Don’t they even ask themselves why I felt so bad?

Bored and disillusioned with life, I had to escape my present
They don’t even know my real, true name
They’re so clueless

Preposterous things, they believe they created me
I was a soul loved only by a hand-cranked camera
(Even now)
(Even now)
(Even now)

Chorus:

A restless ghost, an endless icon
I am disclosure
A moon looking for sunlight, a revelation

They don’t know who the fuck I am (they have no idea)
I am paralysis, epiphany, unforgettable
And even their biggest nightmare

Bridge:

I was an object loved only by a hand-cranked camera
By a hand-cranked camera
A hand-cranked camera
Can you believe
Me?

Chorus:

A restless ghost, an endless icon
I am disclosure
A moon looking for sunlight, a revelation

They don’t know who the fuck I am (they have no idea)
I am paralysis, epiphany, unforgettable
And even their biggest nightmare

Verse 1

Coming out the bookies, feeling ten foot tall,
It’s friday night, but I’ve won fuck all
Feeling like an ounce, and a woman by me side,
Got the whole world spinning, but I feel alive…

But she hasn’t seen the worst of me,
Nearly in tears when I couldn’t leave,
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that bad,
I’ve got me own front door and stn that Ive never had.

The bills are paid, there’s food in the fridge,
But I’m stood on the edge off this old steel bridge,

And the way this is going,
I know I’ll be owing,
Just how much I’ve got left,
I don’t wanna be knowing….

Chorus

’Cause when you’re sitting there waiting on the ace of spades,
Hoping it’ll bring back the sunshine to your days,
You’ll be sitting there in the pissin down rain,
Chasing that feeling, going round again.

And the world’s still turning outside that door,
You’ve got everything you need, but ye ask for more,

One day it might be too late?
But you’re still gonna wait for that ace of spades…


Verse 2

Now it’s Sunday mornin’ and you’re all spent out,
Blew yer monthly wages on somebodies couch,
Now yer thinkin’, this is a bit of a mess,
Yer mate’s got work, wants ye at some mad address.

The money’s good, but ye know what ye’ve got to do,
Think about yer boy and yer bird, and everything you’d lose,
There’s a knock at the door and yer phone starts to ring,
Yer boy wants his dad, but ye can’t buy him a thing.

Yer mate says, “do this and it’ll sort ye right out,”
But there’s a voice in yer head that’s filled with doubt,
‘Cause the money comes quick, but the price is steep,
And there’s promises you’ve made that you’ve got to keep.

There’s a little pair of shoes by the side of the bed,
A thousand things to do, a thousand things in me head,
And I keep lookin’ for a way to make it all alright
But I can’t see meself getting through the night…..

Final Chorus

‘Cause I’ve been sittin’ here, waitin’ on the ace of spades,
Hoppin’ it’ll bring back the sunshine to me days,
While I’m sat here in the pissin’ down rain,
Chasin’ that feelin’, goin’ round again.

And the world’s still turnin’ outside that door,
I’ve got everything I need, still I’m askin’ for more,
God knows how long I’ve got left to change,
Before I lose the ones who love me just the same.

Outro

So I’ll put down the cards, let the next one fall,
There’s a light on at home, and she’s waitin’ after all,
I’ve been searchin’ for a winner, been lookin’ for a way,
After all this time they was the ace I had tucked awayyy…

You never asked for the spotlight
Never needed the applause
While the whole sky spun in circles
You stayed right where you was
Everybody chases brighter
Everybody wants the flame

But when I lost my way home
I never once looked for the brightest —

I look for you
My north star
Never the loudest light
But always where you are
When the whole sky's turning
And I don't know where I am
I find you
I find you
My north star

Forty-seven stars outshine you
That's what the charts all say
But not one of them could tell me
How to find my way
They burn out, they wander
They're gone by the dawn

But every single time I look up
You were the one still on
I look for you
My north star
Never the loudest light
But always where you are
When the whole sky's turning
And I don't know where I am
I find you
I find you
My north star

Constant isn't boring
Constant is rare
Anyone can blaze for a minute
Not everyone stays there
Steady is the hardest thing to be
And you made it look easy
I look for you
My north star
Never the loudest light
But always where you are
When the whole sky's turning
And I don't know where I am
I find you
I find you
My north star

I wish I could delete you,
Erase the memories in my brain,
You promised me eternal sunshine,
But left me standing in the rain,

All that I have left of us,
Plays on loops inside my mind
There’s no remote to switch it off,
An internal prison that I’m confined

Prechorus;
I hope in time I can forget,
The life we both once knew,
But for now I lie awake,
Exchanging sleep for you.

Chorus:
I wish I could erase her,
Put our past right through a shredder,
Get hypnotized and go under,
To get over and forget her,

I hope I catch a virus,
That wipes my data clean,
So I can start a brand new journey,
Without knowing where I’ve been


I’ll teach myself some magic,
So all these thoughts can vanish,
Like the way you left me standing here,
Like an outcast that you banished

Maybe in 40 years,
My memory will decline,
Though I know that when I’m older,
You’ll still be in my mind

Prechorus;

I hope in time I can forget,
The life we made together
But deep inside, and though I’ve tried,
I’ll remember it forever

Chorus:
I wish I could erase her,
Put our past right through a shredder,
Get hypnotized and go under,
To get over and forget her,

I hope I catch a virus,
That wipes my data clean,
So I can start a brand new journey,
Without knowing where I’ve been


I guess the question remains,
As it always has before
Is it better to have loved,
Than to have never loved at all

Change

Verse 1:

I’ve changed place many times so far
Just to breathe in the flowers and the fresh air
No, it’s not their fault, but mine
I just packed my things and flew overnight

Pre-chorus:

Now I can be wild
Now I can be free
Now I can see the light
And hear how the sea talks to me

Chorus:

I have no name, I want no epitaph on my grave
I want to be as free as the ocean
I have no clue, no friends
And one thing
I want to live for changing
I live to change
I live to change
I live to change
I live to change
I live to change
I want to change

Verse 2:

Somebody says we evolve
We don’t die, we simply mutate
This is my philosophy of life
I want freedom
This thought is the only remedy to this fear

Pre-chorus:

My mind talks so good
Physically I live in a loop
Nobody can lift my mood
‘Cause I am always misunderstood

Chorus:

I have no name, I want no epitaph on my grave
I want to be as free as the ocean
I have no clue, no friends
And one thing
I want to live for changing
I live to change
I live to change
I live to change
I live to change
I live to change
I want to change

Bridge:

Nowhere have I found the truth within myself
I’ve been travelling, navigating and flying to find no pelf
I hate my body, my face and every inch of me
I want to change
I want to change
I live for changing

Chorus:

I have no name, I want no epitaph on my grave
I want to be as free as the ocean
I have no clue, no friends
And one thing
I want to live for changing
I live to change
I live to change
I live to change
I want to change
I live for changing

You entrusted me with Pandora's Box
You said: "Don't open it" I said: "Of course not"
But our trust circle is getting too large
How long until someone's decided to barge out
And tell the whole town your dirty little secret?

I watched you hide for years
With hopes of a new life, escape your fears
You had hoped there was light outside the window
You couldn't see it but you had hope
The dreaming, yearning, longing for that feeling
Of being free

Your parents told you "You'll fly so high!"
But you're a bird in a cage
Doubled down, broke your wings and left you with a stain
A cattle mark stating: "I'll stay normal"
Branded out of love but left disheveled

But all they wanted from you was:
The straight-pinned, small-town-grown, idolized image of you
Centuries bore down on your pure soul and all you wanted to do
Was to hold his hand
Without reprimand

But the preacher's pouring liquid gold down your throat, screaming:
"God will take you to hell himself if you don't change now."
You're starting to wonder: "Then why am I still here?"

Spoken Intro

You’re so genius!?HAHAHAHA!?
You’re so genius!?HAHAHAHA!?
AHHHHH!

Verse 1

I was with my friend,
and she shined like a star.
I don’t fucking know how quietly
a heart can turn cold.?Ahhh....)
I just started to find the words
like building blocks.
I might need a detective
to find out what this is.
(Oh, yeahhh)

Refrain

Eye contact shows what’s beneath.
I scream,
but nobody sees.
Everything moves on,
but do you hear?
?YOU’RE SO GENIUS. AHHHH!?

Verse 2

I saw my friend
who suddenly laughed.
Like someone gave water to a flower.
But another heart stayed somewhere far away.
How could anybody know what this is?
(“YOU’RE SO GENIUS!”)

Refrain
Eye contact shows what’s beneath.
I scream,
but nobody sees.
Everything moves on,
but do you hear?
?YOU’RE SO GENIUS. AHHHH!?

Chorus
You’re so genius to sleep
I saw the wind outside.
You’re so genius to sleep
I read my friend saying, “I’m fine.”
You’re so genius,
You’re so genius,,,
(I’m sorry,,,, ahhhh,,,)

Verse 3
HAHAHA,
“YOU’RE SO GENIUS!!!!”
(Sob,,,,)
AHHHHHHHHH!

Bridge
I wanna see,,,,
What’s beneath,,,,
I would call my friend into my room,,,,
She said there was something
she could never explain.
It was there,,,, it was there,,,,
(Ahhh,,,,)



Refrain

Eye contact shows what’s beneath.
I scream,
but nobody sees.
Everything moves on,
but do you hear?
?YOU’RE SO GENIUS. AHHHH!?

Chorus
YOU’RE SO GENIUS. AHHHH!
YOU’RE SO GENIUS. AHHHH!
YOU’RE SO GENIUS. AHHHH!
(Where did her flower go?)
YOU’RE SO GENIUS. AHHHH!
YOU’RE SO GENIUS. AHHHH!
YOU’RE SO GENIUS. AHHHH!
Where’s the friend I used to know?
SO GENIUS,,,,
SO GENIUS,,,,
(I’m sorry that I couldn’t be of any help)

JETSTREAM

Everybody thinks the Asphaltband should hold still.

It doesn't.


The numerics on the surface don't resolve the way they should,

A vector falls across the ridge where probability once stood.

They said the ice was just a myth,
the motion a clean equation,

I felt the rotation before the break,
the pressure in the deviation.

Restoration doesn't arrive intact,
it arrives in what you shear through.

Resilience isn't something you claim,
it's a force you learn to move through.

There was an old dream I carried longer than I should,

And one man beside me who understood.

No crowd.
No chorus.
No promise carved in stone.

Just two lives in the same direction,
making something of our own.


When the chassis bites the gravel like a loaded frequency,

A sudden fracture runs the length of the geometry.

I'm not traversing it.

I'm reading it.

The regime.
The rhythm.
The pressure underneath me.


JETSTREAM.

I read the pressure when the whole thing starts to bend.

JETSTREAM.

I know a broken vector isn't where it ends.

Forget straight kinematics,
I'll never need adjusting.

I fracture my being in time.

I throw my weight across the apex,
and I rewrite the line.

Force has a language.
Trajectory leaves proof.

I don't outrun velocity.

I make it tell the truth.


They call it reckless when a man won't stay in line,

But they never stood that close
when the chromatic light hit mine.

They never felt that split-second clarity in the break,

When the self gets cut apart
and the patterns wake.

That spin across the warning surface,

That ain't humor.

That's velocity.

The drone is chasing where I'm going,

My will takes the turn before I'm beholding.

"Maintain distance" ain't weakness.

It's a boundary built from torque.

A man made for the chaos doesn't brag.

He works.

And there was one who never asked me to be less,

Never needed me to make the pressure make sense.

When the old dream looked too far to reach,

He stayed beside me in the silence
and let the road teach.

Adaptation ain't surrender,
it's a harder way to war.

Timing ain't a gift,
it's what you earn when systems roar.

They paved a lane for average,
I re-cut the road in steel,

Distributed grip when the others start to hydroplane and fail.


When the chassis bites the gravel like a loaded frequency,

Sudden fracture.

No theology.

I'm not surviving it.

I'm shaping it.

The law.

The rhythm.

The hit.

The heat.


JETSTREAM.

I read the pressure when the whole thing starts to bend.

JETSTREAM.

I know a broken vector isn't where it ends.

Forget straight kinematics,
I'll never need adjusting.

I fracture my being in time.

I throw my weight across the apex,
and I rewrite the line.

Force has a language.
Trajectory leaves proof.

I don't outrun velocity.

I make it tell the truth.


Fluid...

Dispersal...

Rotation...

You don't name them.

You feel them.

You become them.

Fallen vectors...

Chassis pressure...

Sudden fractures...

You don't avoid them.

You don't explain them.

You translate them.

And sometimes the thing that keeps you moving

isn't the machine.

It's the man who stayed.


Pressure isn't always the enemy.

Sometimes...

it's the engine.


JETSTREAM.

I don't fight the current,
I negotiate the force.

JETSTREAM.

I don't follow every vector,
I decide the course.

Forget straight kinematics,
let the old geometry break.

I've spent too many years learning
what a system can take.

Force and trajectory.

Pressure and velocity.

No more mystery.

I know what moves me.

JETSTREAM.

Rip the signal!

JETSTREAM.

Shatter the static!

I don't outrun the velocity...

I become the velocity.


Resilience...

isn't resistance.

It's translation.

And somewhere behind the velocity,

there was an old dream

and a man who stayed.

Well you can say what you want,
But nothings gonna bring me down,
Do you dream of the stars,
As you fall to the ground.

Does the night stand still,
Cause you forgot your pill,
Does it now….

Does it really mean a thing,
With all that in between,
Does it now…

Did you ever let it lie???

Excuse me for sayin’,
That I care,
There’s no words you want to hear,
What’s the point,
When you’re not here,
When I’ve triiiiiied,

So leave me as I am,
A bitter, twisted man,
& let it lie.

So you can say what you want,
But you’re never gonna break me down,
Do you dream of the stars,
As they fall through the clouds?

When you try, try, try,
But there’s no hope for you nowww,
There’s nothing left for you,
Just half the man I though that you liiiked,

Does it really mean a thing,
With all the in between,
Does it now?…,


Did you ever let it lie?

Excuse me for saying,
That I care,
Words that fade into thin air,
What’s the point,
When you’re not here,
When I’m tiiiiired,


So leave me as I am,
A bitter twisted man,
& let it lie

I wont let a song bring me down,
It was ours but it’s mine now,

So leave me as I am,
A bitter twisted man,
& let it lie.

(Verse 1)
Think I better stop thinking
Of how 'bouts and what ifs
Silly dreams and fairytales
And things that don't exist
Cause I spent so much time
Just imagining my life
So I still act like 17
When I'm really 25

(Pre-Chorus)
I write beautiful songs
Give some really good advice
I praise rights and call out wrongs
God, I must seem pretty nice..

(Chorus)
Wish I'd practice what I preach, wish that I led with my head
If only I'd listen to my own damn fucking self
All of my old trophies as reminders on a shelf
Whats it like going to sleep and not dream to wake up dead?
If only I'd listen to my goddamn fucking self..

(Verse 2)
Think it's time I started burning every page
Learning what it's like to remember my real age
I used to sit down when they all got up to dance
Now I follw the beat any time I get the chance
Won't be chasing boys who don't even text back
Thinking that they're real good men
Still look at their zodiac
Look! a Taurus, again!

(Chorus)
If only I'd listen to my goddamn fucking self
If I'd practice what I preach, had my heart led by my head
All of my old trophies as reminders on a shelf
What its like going to sleep and not dream to wake up dead?
If only I'd listen to my own damn fucking self

“Why?”
Words by Kerry Mark Blackman

You told me that you loved me
But that was all a lie
I could cry
Say bye-bye
Want to die
Or just shrug-it off
With a yawn and a sigh

Or I could try
To reclaim that high
Or even vie
To get my piece of the pie
But then I ask myself
With you?
Why even try?

© 2026 Kerry Mark Blackman. All Rights Reserved.

[verse 1]
I just want to walk between the trees
To feel a gentle breeze
To sit among the works of your hand

To feel your gentle touch
I’ll never have too much
And I’ve begun to understand

[chorus 1]
And now I see
That you created me
To wonder
To wonder
Now I see
That you created me
To wonder
To wonder

[verse 2]
I just want to listen to a stream
The beauty of a sunbeam
What is man that you should care for him

To gaze into the night
Lie beneath the starlight
I’ll lift my voice to only you I’ll sing

[chorus 2]
And now I see
That you created me
To wonder
To wonder
The blessings of your grace
To turn and seek your face
To wonder
To wonder

[ending]
And now I see
That you created me
To wonder
To wonder
To wonder

AMERICAN TRAGEDY

Madman in the desecrated house
Infested with vindictive sick louse

Speaking only Orwellian truths
Throw the trash out in the voting booths

Cannot believe what we have become
Ashamed to admit where we are from

Masked and armed gestapo in the street
Killing innocents quite indiscreet

We can’t afford to feed the children
His business makes another billion

Laughing at the rubes behind closed door
The maggots feed at the golden store

Don’t care about the constitution
Rule of law counterrevolution

Every day all the headline news say
Think who can we screw over today
Loathes strong women, can only insult
Also, friends with child abuser cult

Pointless ill-conceived forever war
Trashing military heroes’ lore

Promises to make things affordable
Does not care if we are comfortable

Can’t afford to eat, can’t buy car gas
No empathy for the country’s mass

Throw the despicable bum away
Celebrate our Independence Day

Obsession with his name is well known
The place it deserves is a gravestone

Add tariffs here, there, and everywhere
Screw over allies, but love the bear

Chorus
What’s worse, the parasite sycophants?
Or the pathetic red elephants?

[intro]
I died just a little,
That day you left.
When you told me,
We couldn't be anymore.

[Chorus]
When you, when you...
Left me on the coldest night.
How you cried over what you said.
But you left me on the coldest night,
When I needed you the most.
Couldn't hear you speak,
Over all the tears I shed.
When you left me on the coldest night,
And I. And I just let you go.

[Verse 1]
Day by day, yeah it's getting warmer.
But I still feel so cold inside.
Without you to warm my heart.
Feels like I'm stumbling round.
Got no map to find myself.
Day by day, yeah it's getting brighter,
But I still feel so dark inside.
Without you to light me up.
And it's not been any easier,
since the day...

[Chorus]
When you, when you...
Left me on the coldest night,
How you cried over what you said,
But you left me on the coldest night,
When I needed you the most.
Couldn't hear you speak,
Over all the tears I shed.
When you left me on the coldest night,
And I. And I just let you go.

Verse 1
I woke up late again today
Stared at the ceiling, lost my way
Got things I know I need to do
But I can't find the strength to move

I used to wake up with a plan
Used to believe that I still could
Now I just sit here wondering
When everything got this damn hard

Pre-Chorus
I've been trying, God knows I've tried
Putting on a smile I don't feel inside
Everybody says, “Just keep going”
But what if I don't know where I'm going?

Chorus
I don't feel it anymore
That fire I had before
I keep looking for a reason
But I can't find one anymore
I'm tired of telling myself
That tomorrow's gonna change
I've been standing in the same place
Watching all my hopes fade

Verse 2
I gave it everything I had
Maybe that's why I ended up this bad
Kept pushing when I needed rest
Kept saying, “One more time, one more step”

Now the nights are getting longer
And my head won't let me sleep
I've got all these things I'm chasing
But I don't know what they mean to me

Pre-Chorus
And I hate admitting I'm this low
'Cause I don't want nobody to know
I just wish somebody could see
How hard it is to be me

Chorus
I don't feel it anymore
That fire I had before
I keep looking for a reason
But I can't find one anymore
I'm tired of telling myself
That tomorrow's gonna change
I've been standing in the same place
Watching all my hopes fade

Bridge
Maybe I'm not broken
Maybe I'm just worn down
Maybe I don't need the answers
Maybe I just need to slow down

'Cause I've been fighting with myself
For longer than I can say
And honestly, right now
I just need to find my way

Final Chorus
I don't feel it anymore
But maybe that's okay
Maybe I don't have to have it
All figured out today
I'm still here, I'm still breathing
Even underneath this weight
Maybe that's enough for now
Maybe tomorrow I'll feel okay

Outro
I don't know where I'm going
I don't know what comes next
But I'll leave the light on
And see what tomorrow brings.

I wanna be me but need a change
Sometimes I hit some things I miss
Taking my time gotta get this right
Old school fist with a new school kiss

My head is pulled in different directions
I know what is right and wrong
But these days the lines are so blurred
Good stay silent while the bad talk long

I wanna quit it all and start brand new
Groundhog has me stressed all day
Only sleep two hours each night
There’s got to be a better way

I know who I am but second guess
What I think and feel
Blessed life that I curse all the time
Is my heart broken or head not real


Sometimes I don’t get what you and I do
I love all people but they make me mad
Because all we do is judge and hurt
Our worlds problems make me sad

And it’s always the same
What are we to do
Head down move on
History is back now we rue
Except the haves
They just laugh and sue

Verse 1

The way some people act and think,
Their logic drives me to the brink.
The whole damn world has lost its mind,
And common sense is hard to find.

There are kids barely fourteen,
Already taller than I’ve ever been.
Looking up at them is such a pain,
My poor damn neck won’t be the same.

Chorus

It’s over my head, over my head,
So many things I just don’t get.
It’s over my head, I’ve had my share,
Some days I’d toss it all in the air.

It’s over my head, but after all,
Being down here ain’t bad at all.
Go ahead, keep looking down on me,
You’d be surprised by what I see.

Verse 2

My feet are killing me, what a pain,
At shows and concerts, it’s all the same.
They always find a spot in front,
Like being that tall just ain’t enough.

I’m up on the tips of my toes,
Trying to catch every bit of the show.
And sixty-nine? I’ll spare you the design…
Two different heights make it hard to align.

Chorus

It’s over my head, over my head,
So many things I just don’t get.
It’s over my head, I’ve had my share,
Some days I’d toss it all in the air.

It’s over my head, but after all,
Being down here ain’t bad at all.
Go ahead, keep looking down on me,
You’d be surprised by what I see.

Verse 3

Mirrors in elevators, restrooms too,
Why are they too high for my view?
Even the toilets are way off the ground,
My boots just dangle, they don’t touch down.

One step for them means three for me,
Just keeping up takes energy.
So easy to look down on me,
When you’re built like a damn tree.

Final Chorus

It’s over my head, over my head,
So many things I just don’t get.
It’s over my head, I’ve had my share,
Some days I’d toss it all in the air.

It’s over my head, but after all,
Being down here ain’t bad at all.
Go ahead, keep looking down on me,
You’d be surprised by what I see.

Outro

You know what? Being me ain’t so bad,
Might be the best deal I ever had.
And after everything I’ve said…
Almost everything goes over my head.

© 2026 Lolie — Original Lyrics — All Rights Reserved

(Chorus)
Mama lied
Big boys do cry
She said be a man
Big boys don't cry

Verse 1
Daddy left before I turned six
Mama did her best, never let it show
Told me to be strong for her
Said that's just how it goes

I learned to bite it down early
Learned to keep my face real still
Every time I wanted to break
I just clenched my jaw and stood still

Verse 2
Twenty years of holding steady
Twenty years of "I'm alright"
Then she passed this April
And I broke down that night

Standing at the graveside
Something cracked I can't explain
All that armor she gave me
Wasn't strong, it was just pain

Bridge
Maybe she was scared for me
Maybe that's the only way she knew
Handed down from her own mother
Some old lie passed on like it's true

I'm done carrying what she gave me
Gonna feel it, let it out
That's not weak, that's just human
That's what love is all about

Final Chorus
Mama lied
Big boys do cry
She said be a man
Guess she got it wrong
Big boys do cry

I've been nursing the cracks
Feeling my way through the dark
Feeling my way through the pain
I don't want this heart to heal again

I've been hiding for so long
Getting used to the pain
I have always thought
I was meant to fade away

As I hold that thought
I thought I could fade into the pain
But fate had a different script for me
And somehow I'm being pushed out of the rain

I thought I could live with the pain
But healing seems to be knocking again
The dark is the place I've always felt safe
But now I'm being pushed out to face the pain

The peace, the calm, fading away
Slowly slipping out of my grasp
And all I can do
Is watch as light fills the cracks

Why can't I just stay safe?
Why do I have to leave the rain?
I'm already used to the pain
Why do i have to face it again?

Do I have to face the pain?
Do I have to smile again?
I so much want to stay in the dark
Why is the light forcing me out?

Should I just give up now?
Should I just come out to face the pain?
I don't mind hiding away
Why do I have to leave the rain?

I've been nursing the cracks
Feeling my way through the dark
Feeling my way through the pain
Should I let this heart heal again?


By Twilight

Instagram @faporti
Gmail fabatul2628@gmail.com
Cell number +52 729 848 3197

Red dust on my skin
ENGLISH
I travel through a crimson sea of empty, hollow space,
Pits of sand that someday will all cave in.
The sky is stained with poison,
Empty of stars,
Clouded like the way you love.
Like the red dust that keeps my heart alive,
I follow trails of breadcrumbs leading me to pain.
Close my eyes, and in a bath of ink I carve your name
In tiny letters.
You're only a fragment of who you could have been.
I'm a slave to your broken way of loving.
Even when you tell me you love me,
I'm no cowboy,
Roaming barren plains in search of your sun.
I wander down the shoreline looking for something worth keeping,
When I find myself down in the hole.
And maybe,
I won't regret the choices that decide the man I'll be.
No, no, no.
I'm not who I am.
I look into the mirror, lost because of you.
I don't look up at the stars,
I look around instead.
Is it the shine inside your eyes, or just the coins,
That make me feel I'm worth something?
Too much of a coward to love,
Yet brave enough to let you walk away.
I don't know what I'm searching for,
'Cause I'm where the sun begins to fade.
I'm a drifter, riding from town to town,
Like the gunslinger I pretend to be.
I've got no bullets,
No one standing by my side,




red dust on my skin
Only an old streak of luck that's slowly slipping away.
I don't drown myself in addictions,
Because I'd never grow tired of you.
Maybe
I don't know who I am,
Just another slave to your love.
I know the treasure that I'm chasing,
Because the sun has always led me there.
Slowly I drown in a sea of ink across my arm
Until you come back for my wounds.
Save me, even if you're my executioner.
In you I find the sand
And the landscape that brings me peace.
I've been waiting in this line for far too long.
Now it's only the sun and me.
Everything that once surrounded me
Has already left.
I know what I'm searching for,
Even if I don't know who I am.
Wherever you ask me to go,
You know that's where I'll be.
Where the sun burns hotter
Than the way I imagine your scent.

Monday needs to wait
As it irritates my condition
Which is missing a piece
And I want to fall
Tuesday’s even worse
It’s a blessing and a curse
My peace of mind
Is on a ledge
And my sword is double-edged
And my heart just beats right through
Oh-oh I’m out of touch
And there’s nothing much I can do
And my heart just beats right through
Oh-oh I’m running out of time
To fit the words to the rhyme
And my heart just stays in line

Wednesday sees the sun
Start to rise as one with I
It’s been a long reflection
As I head in the wrong direction
Thursday strikes a chord
There’s silver in my sword
I feel the light in my eyes
And for a while I stem the tide
And my heart just beats right through
Oh-oh I’m out of touch
And there’s nothing much I can do
And my heart just beats right through
Oh-oh I’m running out of time
To fit the words to the rhyme
And my heart just stays in line
But why?

Title: "Castle in the Sky"
V1:
I was walking through the quiet,
With a head full of dreams.
Then you showed up like a sunrise,
Some place I’d never seen.
You laughed like you knew the secret,
You make time stand still.
And somehow all the broken pieces
Started learning how to heal.
Chorus:
Oh,oh, you’re my castle in the sky,
When I close my eyes.
A little bit of magic,
A little bit of you and I.
Oh, oh, I don’t need forever,
I just need this moment tonight.
Cause everything feels better...
When I’m standing by your side.
V2:
We could run into the daylight,
And leave the world behind.
Make a home out of a memory,
Make a universe out of time.
I don’t know where we’re going,
But I like the way it feels.
With you the ordinary...
Feels oh so real.
Final Chorus
Oh, oh, you’re a castle in the sky,
A little dream I never want to hide.
Even if the stars fall...
I’ll always look for your light.
Oh, oh, maybe we’re just two people,
Trying to figure out this life.
But with you beside me...
Everything feels alright.

A castle in the sky.
A place where we can fly.

Yeah-yeah…
Golden nights…
Dubai vibes…
Oooh-oh-oh!

[Verse 1]
Champagne shining on the rooftop,
City glowing like a crown.
High heels walking through the lobby,
Everybody looking now.

Silk dresses, diamonds flashing,
Engines roaring down the lane.
Money talks in every language,
Power running through the veins.

Palm trees dancing by the ocean,
Private parties every night.
In Dubai we chase the feeling,
Living faster than the light.

[Pre-Chorus]
Gold on my wrist, stars in my eyes,
Tonight we’re touching paradise.
No limits, no fear, no goodbye,
We were born to live this life!

[Chorus]
I’m flying to Dubai!
I’m flying to Dubai!
I’m flying to Dubai!
To see the eastern sunrise high!
And show the world my name,
Like fire inside the flame.
Dubai! Dubai!
Tonight we shine above the sky!
Hey!
Money, lights, desire!
Hey!
Everything is taking us higher!
Dubai!
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
Dubai!
The city where dreams come alive!

[Verse 2]
Beautiful women dressed in silver,
Millionaires in tailored black.
Every smile looks like a secret,
Every night no turning back.
Skyline burning in the midnight,
Luxury beneath the stars.

From the desert to the penthouse,
We forget who we really are.
Fast cars waiting by the coastline,
Golden sand beneath our feet.
Every heartbeat sounds expensive,
Every kiss tastes bittersweet.

[Pre-Chorus]
Gold on my wrist, stars in my eyes,
Tonight we’re touching paradise.
No limits, no fear, no goodbye,
We were born to live this life!

[Chorus]
I’m flying to Dubai!
I’m flying to Dubai!
I’m flying to Dubai!
To see the eastern sunrise high!
And show the world my name,
Like fire inside the flame.
Dubai! Dubai!
Tonight we shine above the sky!

[Bridge]
Oooooh…
Lights reflecting in the sea…
Oooooh…
This is where we’re meant to be…
One more night, one more chance,
Everybody lost in dance!

[Final]
I’m flying to Dubai!
I’m flying to Dubai!
I’m flying to Dubai!

Where golden dreams will never die!
We came to rule the night,
To burn like city lights!
Dubai! Dubai!

Forever young beneath the sky!
Hey!
Raise your glasses high!
Hey!
Tonight we own the paradise!
Dubai!
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
Dubai!

A ghost silhouette where the crowds begin
I've never felt like I've fit in
Never knowing where I go or what to do
Just watching the shadows changing hue

Never really feeling how we're supposed to be
Drifting like debris on a trackless sea
Wandering through life, wondering why
Under a cold, indifferent sky
​
Wondering what it all means
As the neon fades to gray
Feeling blasé
Completely unbothered

verse 1

it feels like pain without reciprocal dismay
a knot that's only too tight to fray for those who bear the strength
we like to share, but not get caught in someone else's hair
we're scared that it won't last long enough for them to care
cause soon it's gonna end

refrain

so please just tell me what it is that I must owe to feel a semblance of all your daily lives
cause I seem to be locked out of a learning curve that no one even dares to talk about on the outside

verse 2

it feels like pain, a solitary confined space
a synonym for what I wear on my face
there's no such thing as strength
a whored affair with the one and only king of despair
unfair entitled roaming without a care
that soon it's gonna end

pre chorus

so please just tell me what it is that I must show to intercept the backwards wiring of my mind
cause I seem to be locked out of a learning curve that everybody doubts themselves about on the inside

chorus

cause this pleasures just a game
are you sure that you're not in pain?
the walls surround me like a maze
it's hard to find the right path to take
imprisoned in this cage
cause my pleasure feels like pain
pleasure feels like pain
pleasure feels like-

post chorus

insane on the winter
insane on the winter feeling
x8

bridge

pleasure and pain go hand in hand
id make a change if I had the chance
all thoughts must wait for someone's glance
is this a fucking snuff film or just a shitty romance?
cause I tried to fix this but it broke
my heads in bits, I've had a stroke
all feelings stem from one big joke
I'm in the audience but I'm not fucking laughing at the show
at the show
it's all for show
you're all on show

chorus

cause this pleasures just a game
(can I revert back home now)
are you sure that you're not in pain?
the walls surround me like a maze
it's hard to find the right path to take
imprisoned in this cage
cause this pleasures just in vain
(can I resist your charm now)
I know you all just fake it anyways
(how do you stay so renowned)
the walls construct two paths to take
so finally lets eradicate
our addiction to this game
cause our pleasure is just pain

outro

insane on the winter
insane on the winter feeling
insane on the the winter
(my pleasure feels like pain)
insane on the winter feeling
insane on the winter
insane on the winter feeling
insane on the the winter
(cause our pleasure is just pain)
insane on the winter feeling
insane on the winter
insane on the winter feeling
insane on the the winter
(my pleasure feels like pain)
insane on the winter feeling
insane on the winter
insane on the winter feeling
insane on the the winter
(all our pleasure is just pain)
insane on the winter feeling

Verse 1)
I wanna sing a soul, but they need a white coat
They’re forcing a life that I didn’t promote
I’ve locked the door, it’s just me and the glass
Watching the reflection of a dream that won’t pass.

This is my final moment, let the world just stare
I’m seeking a freedom that’s thin as the air
I wanna fade, leave no shadow behind
Escape the ozone, leave the hauntings behind

(Hook)
No Farewells, No Endings.

No Farewells, No Endings.

(Verse 2)
I want to cry when everyone leaves me
But the mirror stays, it’s the only one who sees me
This is my childhood friend, my oldest face
Staying with me through every phase and place.


Such a haunting house and a room where ghosts carry me
I’m searching for a version that I’m allowed to be
No more expectations, no more heavy chains

Just the silence of night where no pressure remains.


(Hook)
No Farewells, No Endings.

No Farewells, No Endings.

No Farewells, No Endings

INTRO
Kabhi kabhi mohabbat ka matlab paana nahi hota...
Kabhi kabhi mohabbat ka matlab bachana hota hai.
Tumhe apna keh dena aasaan tha,
Tumhe apni dua bana lena mushkil hai.
Main chahta hoon tum muskuraati raho,
Aur isi khwahish ne mujhe majboor kar diya...
Ki aaj tumse mohabbat bhi karun,
Aur tumhe khud se door bhi rakhoon.


HOOK
Tum door hi rehna...
Meri chahat se, meri aadat se.
Tum door hi rehna...
Meri bechain si mohabbat se.
Main khud toh har gham seh loonga,
Par tum par koi saaya na aaye.
Main toot ke bhi jee loonga,
Par tumhara dil kabhi na toot paaye.
Tum phool si nazuk rehti ho,
Main dhoop mein jalta rehta hoon.
Tum hans kar duniya jeeti ho,
Main khud se ladta rehta hoon.
Tum door hi rehna...
Yahi meri sabse gehri mohabbat hai.

VERSE 1
Tum mili to laga jaise sookhe mausam pe baarish aayi ho,
Jaise band kitaab ke andar koi purani nazm muskurayi ho.
Tumhari baaton mein woh narmi thi jo thake hue dil ko sukoon de,
Tumhari aankhon mein woh roshni thi jo andheron ko bhi junoon de.
Main chahta tha waqt wahi thahar jaaye,
Tumhare saath har lamha sanwar jaaye.
Magar har khushi ke saath ek darr bhi chalta raha,
Ki kahin meri qismat ka bojh tum par na aa jaaye.
Isliye jab bhi tum paas aayi,
Dil ne tumhe gale lagaya,
Magar zubaan ne dheere se kaha...
Door rehna.

VERSE 2
Tum mohabbat ko khushboo samajhti ho,
Main use dua samajhta hoon.
Tum usse haasil karna chahti ho,
Main usse mehfooz rakhna chahta hoon.
Tumhara naam labon par aaye to lagta hai jaise chaand nikal aaya,
Tumhara zikr dil mein aaye to lagta hai jaise Rab nazar aaya.
Magar meri duniya mein kuch adhure safar bhi rehte hain,
Kuch zakhm rehte hain, kuch intezaar rehte hain.
Aur main nahi chahta ki meri kahani ke bojh tale,
Tumhari hansi ka ek bhi rang pheeka pade.

VERSE 3
Agar tum mere saath chalo to shayad main jeena seekh loon,
Agar tum mera haath pakdo to shayad main muskuraana seekh loon.
Magar phir ek khayal dil ko rok leta hai,
Har khwaab ko haqeeqat se pehle tok deta hai.
Ki kahin meri udaasi tumhari aadat na ban jaaye,
Kahin meri tanhaayi tumhari qismat na ban jaaye.
Tum jis roshni ki haqdaar ho,
Main us roshni ka raasta nahi.
Tum jis sukoon ki mustahiq ho,
Main us sukoon ka vaasta nahi.

VERSE 4
Isliye agar kabhi meri yaad aaye,
To mujhe baddua mat dena.
Agar meri mohabbat samajh na aaye,
To mujhe bewafa mat kehna.
Main tumse door isliye nahi hoon ki tum kam ho,
Main tumse door isliye hoon ki tum bahut zyada ho.
Tum itni khoobsurat dua ho,
Ki main tumhe apni takdeer se bachana chahta hoon.
Agar mohabbat sirf paana hoti,
To shayad main tumhe maang leta.
Magar mohabbat tumhari khushi bhi hai,
Isliye main tumhe Rab ke hawaale karta hoon.

HOOK
Tum door hi rehna...
Meri chahat se, meri aadat se.
Tum door hi rehna...
Meri bechain si mohabbat se.
Main khud toh har gham seh loonga,
Par tum par koi saaya na aaye.
Main toot ke bhi jee loonga,
Par tumhara dil kabhi na toot paaye.
Tum phool si nazuk rehti ho,
Main dhoop mein jalta rehta hoon.
Tum hans kar duniya jeeti ho,
Main khud se ladta rehta hoon.
Tum door hi rehna...
Yahi meri sabse gehri mohabbat hai.

Now that I can fly ,
over fields and over rivers,
I see the beauty of this earth ,
but now we are in quivers,

Our lives have changed so fast ,
I can not hear a whisper,
from those that wont stand up,
to the crooks and to the grifters,

But I believe in you ,
the good people of our nation,
to stand up for what's right ,
and send ?? to all damnation..

[Verse I]
Many died yesterday. Some died today.
Yet here I am waiting for tomorrow to come.
Should I be grateful?
Being alive feels like a fool.

[Chorus]
Lucky them.
They don't need to feel the pain of feeling pain.
Damn this life.
How I wish to never been born.
Then, I wouldn't be a burden.

[Verse II]
Everyday, I'm dying.
Doin' nothin'. I can't do anything.
Staring blank at the ceiling.
Haven't started yet expecting an ending.

[Chorus]
Lucky them.
They don't need to feel the pain of feeling nothing.
Lucky me. It's as if I am one of them.
Doin' nothin'. Can't do anything.
Never dead. Just felt like dying.

[Verse III]
I have a lot of things to do.
Responsibilities to face.
A lot of people I bothered.
They thought laziness consumed me.
Then, let me tell you.

[Hook]
My mother once cried to my sister.
"If you feel hurt, run to your mother."
She will do everything,
Will do anything just to comfort her.

(Does that applied to me to!?)

Will you do everything?
Just say anything, my mother.

[Chorus]
Cuz, many died yesterday.
Some while waiting a word of a mother.

Lucky them.
There's no longer need for them to feel the pain of feeling nothing.
They are already in a world full of feelings.
Lucky them.

[Pre-outro]
My mother once cried to my sister.
"Do whatever you want. Mama, will be your supporter."

(Does it applied to me too?)

Does that applied to me too!?
Mother, does your word applied to me too?

[Outro]
Cuz, I've done something you wouldn't understand.
So, I'll just wait for tomorrow to be done.
Then, I will be grateful.
Cuz, writing this song already made me a fool.

The last few weeks pushed me harder than I expected. A serious family crisis, legal and insurance stress, unresolved family emotions, emotional exhaustion, and then a death in my basement forced me into a place mentally and emotionally I was struggling to survive. “Please Let Me Breathe” was created from that pressure. Not fiction. Not attention seeking. Just the emotional reality of trying to hold everything together while quietly falling apart inside.

Phone lights burning in the dark
Everybody falling apart
Lawyers calling every day
Dragging all our strength away

Basement shadows still remain
Every hallway feels the pain
Trying hard to hold control
While it crushes through my soul

Every problem multiplies
Every night another fire

Please let me breathe
I cannot carry everything
Every voice inside this house
Pulling hard on me again

Please let me breathe
Before I lose myself tonight
I am so tired of surviving
Every second of this life

Then my father calls my phone
Years of silence now undone
Talking guilt and asking grace
While I am barely standing straight

Trying hard to kill the shame
Trying hard to break these chains
Trying hard to still believe
I deserve the air I breathe

Pressure pushing through my chest
Never giving me a rest

Please let me breathe
I cannot carry everything
Every voice inside this house
Pulling hard on me again

Please let me breathe
Before I lose myself tonight
I am so tired of surviving
Every second of this life

I do not need another war
I do not need another scar
I just need one moment free
From the weight collapsing me

Please let me breathe
Before the darkness pulls me down
Before the walls around this life
Finally start crashing down

Please let me breathe
I am still fighting through the pain
Still trying to protect the ones
That keep me standing through the rain

VERSE 1
She walks into the room like a summer breeze
Perfume and a diamond stare
Sugar on her lips, saying all the right things
But there’s something hiding there
She laughs and everybody turns
Like a spotlight on a stage
But if you look a little closer
You can see it in her face

CHORUS
It’s a crocodile smile, shining for a while
But the eyes don’t lie, no the eyes don’t lie
She’ll pull you in close, make you feel like gold
Then leave you in the night so cold
Yeah she’ll love you, use you, leave you in denial
All the while… with a crocodile smile

VERSE 2
She’s a queen of pretty stories
Paints a picture black and white
Plays the victim, plays the hero
Depending on the night
Deals her cards like a gambler
Always keeps an ace
By the time you see the truth
She’s already gone without a trace

CHORUS
It’s a crocodile smile, shining for a while
But the eyes don’t lie, no the eyes don’t lie
She’ll pull you in close, make you feel like gold
Then leave you in the night so cold
Yeah she’ll love you, use you, leave you in denial
All the while… with a crocodile smile

BRIDGE
You can run, you can hide
But she’s always playing both sides
Sweet as honey, cold as stone
By the time you know, she’s gone

FINAL CHORUS
It’s a crocodile smile, shining for a while
But the eyes don’t lie, no the eyes don’t lie
She’ll pull you in close, make you feel like gold
Then leave you in the night so cold
Yeah she’ll love you, use you, leave you in denial
All the while… with a crocodile smile