Thomas Ballinger

1. At the store the other day/ I set my phone down for a second /following that I had a moments terror /the extent of which I never reckoned/ 2. I asked a lady so embarrassed/ help I lost my phone it's the truth/ she looked at me funny but called my number/ I heard that ringtone at the courtesy booth/ (spoken)/ listen to that ringtone 2-3 people said "I remember that show!!, some guy is lighting a fuse! Good ringtone when you have a dysfunctional or datfunctional marriage/ 3. my phone keeps my grocery list and pays my bills / it knows everything I know / I can delete what I want to/ how'd I survive without this gizmo? / 4. Sometimes sweeties don't sound alike / words that rhyme my phone's got em all day/ but when it comes to disharmonic love my device don't have much to say / 5. It's slim and it looks good / it stays quietly in my jeans/ I can turn the volume down when I want/ it forgets my mistakes and it knows what I mean/ 6. Oh honey you know I love you / just blowing steam I don't mean nuttin/ boy if my spouse reads this I'm surely dead / oh crud by mistake I hit the send button / (spoken) but you know what, my phone does more for me than my spouse , sometimes I think I'd rather lose you than my phone...oh, what's that noise, I got a new text, what the heck is this? Alexa, what do "divorce" and "alimony" mean? Next year I'll be filing my taxes under filing status 1, not 2?