Lyrics by Jesus Manresa

Verse
I just wanted closure
Kept my composure
Now I just want you dead
Looking at the mirror
Things couldn’t be clearer
All I could see looking back was a mess

Chorus
Not what I wanted
But you’re all I had
Got me high off the things I could’ve said
But I got this bottle instead
Dark thoughts in my own head
And painkillers sitting on my bed

Verse
Numbing feeling on my tongue
Poison in my veins
Masking my pain with false pleasure (pleasure)
I wasn’t happy
I was only dreading
How they’d tell you I walked away

Chorus
Not what I wanted
But you’re all I had
Got me high off the things I could’ve said
But I got this bottle instead
Dark thoughts in my own head
And painkillers sitting on my bed

I tried fighting
No point in denying
Got me high off the things I could’ve said
But I got this bottle instead
Dark thoughts in my head
And painkillers sitting on top of my bed


Bridge
Thought crying was inauthentic
Convinced myself that maybe I was being selfish
Not the man I needed
But the only man that stayed
Felt power from my weakness
And cold from my pain

Chorus
Not what I wanted
But you’re all I had
Got me high off the things I should’ve said
But I got this bottle instead
Dark thoughts in my own head
And painkillers sitting on top of my bed

I tried fighting
No point in denying
Got me high off the things I should’ve said
But I got this bottle instead
Dark thoughts in my own head
And painkillers sitting on top of my bed

I'm in no man's land, I've never been here before
Where my mind is lost, but where my body is yours
Walking through the fire, my legs feel so sore
Numbed the pain so much, I can't feel no more

Lost, but I never want to go back again
I'm done, listening to all my friends
I'm daydreaming bout the unknowns as you keep on taking control
My feet are moving, my mind is so stupid for letting me feel so whole
I'm in no man's land
And I never wanna go back, go back